Canto IX - The Impasse

There is one eternal truism that takes place in the world of selling books – and, I assume, other areas of retail activity also – that is as annoying as it is unavoidable: wherever you need to work in the shop, on a matter of highest priority, that is where the largest, most obtuse and slab-like customer will choose to stand.

Imagine it: you’ve just cleared a window display and have assembled the new books to be moved into that space. When you arrive at the now-empty window, there will be someone standing there – most likely with a backpack, or with many bags of shopping – idly flipping through some book that they’ve just randomly pulled off a shelf. So, unwilling to disturb this punter in the process of making a sale, you dump your armful of books and decide to give them a few moments.

When you return, they’ve not only cozied themselves into the area in which you need to work, but they’ve also begun to set down roots, arranging their impedimenta comfortably around them and burying their nose deeper into the volume that’s caught their attention. So, grinding your teeth, you disappear once more into the bowels of the shop, pretending to ignore the passing parade of people who might be lured into the premises but for the lack of a cheery and engaging window display to hook them in.

You give the browser a few more minutes of your time, but really, there’s only so many times in a fifteen-minute period that you can realistically check your e-mails or shuffle the stationery at the front desk. So, girding your loins, you approach the customer once more.

By now, they’ve started to meld into the furniture, bleeding into the carpet tiles and sending vines and runners out over the entire shop. You notice that they’re seriously reading the tome, licking their fingers as they turn pages and shoving fingers into the Notes section at the back to cross-reference the citations.

“Hi!” you say brightly. “Great book, huh?”

They lift their head and peer at you blearily, with a faint air of annoyance at your temerity in dragging them back from some reverie. “Oh. Hmmm...” they will say and try to dive back in once more.

But you’re not having any of it. Phrases like “Buy it or Beat it!” come to mind and hover about your lips, or the old stand-by: “Buddy, it ain’t a library!” However, you’re mindful that a sale might still come from this.

“Would you like me to wrap that for you, so you can take it home and really get into it?” you try, with a fixed smile. That’s when they drop the clanger:

“Oh, no: I’m just waiting for my bus...”

‘Unceremoniously Ejected’ is the polite version of ‘Being Tossed Out On Your Arse’. You will probably never see that particular customer again but, in the short term, you will feel so much better...