There
is one eternal truism that takes place in the world of selling books – and, I
assume, other areas of retail activity also – that is as annoying as it is
unavoidable: wherever you need to work in the shop, on a matter of highest
priority, that is where the largest, most obtuse and slab-like customer will
choose to stand.
Imagine
it: you’ve just cleared a window display and have assembled the new books to be
moved into that space. When you arrive at the now-empty window, there will be
someone standing there – most likely with a backpack, or with many bags of
shopping – idly flipping through some book that they’ve just randomly pulled
off a shelf. So, unwilling to disturb this punter in the process of making a
sale, you dump your armful of books and decide to give them a few moments.
When
you return, they’ve not only cozied themselves into the area in which you need
to work, but they’ve also begun to set down roots, arranging their impedimenta comfortably around them and
burying their nose deeper into the volume that’s caught their attention. So,
grinding your teeth, you disappear once more into the bowels of the shop,
pretending to ignore the passing parade of people who might be lured into the
premises but for the lack of a cheery and engaging window display to hook them
in.
You
give the browser a few more minutes of your time, but really, there’s only so
many times in a fifteen-minute period that you can realistically check your
e-mails or shuffle the stationery at the front desk. So, girding your loins,
you approach the customer once more.
By now, they’ve started to meld into the
furniture, bleeding into the carpet tiles and sending vines and runners out
over the entire shop. You notice that they’re seriously reading the tome,
licking their fingers as they turn pages and shoving fingers into the Notes
section at the back to cross-reference the citations.
“Hi!”
you say brightly. “Great book, huh?”
They
lift their head and peer at you blearily, with a faint air of annoyance at your
temerity in dragging them back from some reverie. “Oh. Hmmm...” they will say
and try to dive back in once more.
But
you’re not having any of it. Phrases like “Buy it or Beat it!” come to mind and
hover about your lips, or the old stand-by: “Buddy, it ain’t a library!”
However, you’re mindful that a sale might still come from this.
“Would
you like me to wrap that for you, so you can take it home and really get into
it?” you try, with a fixed smile. That’s when they drop the clanger:
“Oh,
no: I’m just waiting for my bus...”
‘Unceremoniously
Ejected’ is the polite version of ‘Being Tossed Out On Your Arse’. You will
probably never see that particular customer again but, in the short term, you
will feel so much better...
